MARRIAGE IS VERY PRACTICAL;ITS A DAY BY DAY JOURNEY.

Honestly,I thank God for the grace to be able to use this forum to save a lot of marriages. I usually take every case individually and also remember that no two people are alike. Naturally I had impatience, I didn't understand why things couldn't be done the way I felt was right,until God stepped in and began to mould me and tell me that those I considered "slow to understand" He created them too and whatsoever I might think I have in terms of understanding He gave it to me as a blessing to others. I usually get ecstatic when a wife that almost packed out of her home,few weeks earlier would call me or email to tell me that the steps I took her thru is working in her home and that her husband has changed or is changing for the better. Honestly I cannot tell you categorically what the steps are but whenever I read a message or listen to someone about their issues then the Holy Spirit begins to direct me on what best to say or write. People often wonder why I know so much about marriage, is she talking from experience? Yes and no. My parents didn't have the best of marriage and initially as a young lady,I told myself that why marry if its not going to be till death? So due to my "stubbornness", when I got married it had to be forever. Did I marry a fantastic man,no doubt! Did I marry a perfect man,not true! I married a man that was almost a priest, he was in the seminary for 14 years, he even wrote his thesis there,meaning he had just few months before becoming Father callistus (lol) before he left. I met him years after he left o,so that nobody will think I seduced a priest. What am I driving at? Isn't he supposed to be easy to talk too? aren't priests the ones that hear confessions? The first year of our marriage wasn't easy for me,I'm naturally a talkative when I am in a familiar environment,but not Father Callistus(lol) my hubby will never talk,you don't know when he was sad,happy or depressed. It was hard for me,believe you me,he did everything in the house because he is a clean freak and it got to me that he even picked up little crumbs and sand specks. He was a Christian but wasn't born-again, he was morally upright but had no personal relationship with Jesus.AndI felt he was a project that got dumped on me. He was loving alright and my friends would tell me how blessed I was,they were right but something wasn't right. You couldn't ask him questions because if he wasn't in the mood,he would walk away without a word. I thought to myself, I am in trouble,I married a mad man! God was speaking to me then,but I didn't understand. I never knew I had a strong ministry, never knew about prophecy. I heard God tell me clearly that he would change my hubby to be more open and that He will use me to save homes. To wives out there,please don't give up on your husbands especially when they don't beat you. My husband was perfect from the outside,every woman's dream but was cold on the inside. I needed help,I saw the relationship he had with his siblings,it was very cordial but not warm,his sisters told me they can count the times they saw him laugh. I saw that he was extreme in keeping his thoughts to himself,it couldn't work I was dying inside. Wisdom came from above and I began to engage him on long talks on the bed,I would say tell me about growing up? how was it when you went away to school? it was all about him now, nothing about me.I wanted to get to his heart and stay there;funny enough after about 16 years he tells me,only God knows what you did to me,I can almost not breath if i ever think that you are not there for me. I cry most times due to the love he shows me,he tells everyone how important "mamaa" is to him,but that didn't just fall from heaven. I work it out! yes heaven backed me up! Why am I sharing a bit of my life with you? Its because everybody seems to be a marriage counselor these days and they tend to make it look,like if you just pray without the practical aspects it would fall on your laps. It isn't true! After my husband began to "open" himself to me,I understood him more. I saw the training he got from the seminary, it was like a military training. I tried not to judge him or get angry when he suddenly cuts me off. I wanted to cry, I wanted to bang his head on the wall but I knew I had to get to his heart. We began to joke more,I would jump on his back and do silly things,and finally he began to laugh. One of his sisters was shocked one day,when she saw us playing,she almost wept,She had been his elder sister for almost 35 years at that time and almost can't remember seeing him laugh. I continue thru the help of God and I treat my husband with respect and it worked! I know he is reading this now and saying mamaa i know your secret now but its too late for him,he is hooked to me for life! Try to know who your spouse don't judge yours with others. Don't compare,ask God for help. I never forced him to be open,he choose to be I just guided him with the help of God. He saw something in me and although he thinks its part of my stubbornness that did it,atleast it worked for the best. I still remembered vividly on of our wedding anniversary,when my hubby stood up in the service and walked up to re-dedicate his life. I quickly cried in my seat and wiped the tears. I never asked him why or how, but he said that there is something in you that I want,with all your stubbornness,I want what you have. He wanted a closer relationship with Jesus and he got it! Years on and 16 years in, he is still disciplined but fun loving,there is nothing he keeps from me,infact I have passwords to all emails,bank accounts,everything! Not that he is a fool for doing that,but because he trusts me so much,loves me like Christ loves the church and I in return respect and cherish him. Can your husband really trust you? Does he see you as being matured enough to handle the truth? I am not talking about age,because at 18 I was already getting contracts. I am talking about you being able to let things go,talk less and show more understanding. Is my hubby 100% now? Nobody is,he still tries to carry some burdens by himself without sharing ;atimes I let him, most times I don't! Is our marriage made in heaven? Yes no doubt,but beloved its worked out here on earth! Do you think you are about to give up? Please talk to me,I might have something to share. Sorry to bother you with my epistle but I just needed to share this. To my darling hubby,you might be a bubble atimes but I love you,i get choice? To everyone,its not over till its over! Shalom, Sista Bola.

LET'S WISH THEM HAPPY FATHERS DAY TOO!

Happy Fathers day to all the men out there; who said I mistakenly impregnated her,it must have also being a mistake chasing the babe for months before getting her into your front door. Happy fathers day also to all the men who spend the weekends hanging out with the boys,of course those boys outings are more important than the children;no wait we understand,its an avenue to discuss business. Let's not forget to wish the men that has turned the mothers of their children into punching bags;afterall they are raising sons that might batter women or might be too scarred emotionally that they get confused about their sexual orientation. Won't we raise our glasses to the men that believe that a wayward child belongs to the mum and the one with 1st class honours has only his dna. I will like to close by giving the highest honour of the night (P.A.I) papa awuf international, to the men who doesn't consider the well being of their daughters but hurriedly give them out to the highest bidder, in exchange for a new television set and some bottles of imported "Cameroon" gin.(my Cameroon family,love you to bits) Wish them happy fathers day too,afterall there is a different between a father and a papa! Shalom,Sista Bola.

DON'T SAY I TOLD YOU SO!

Good morning,I expect you all to stay in bed a bit longer today and rest. Not for any particular reason but an hour extra of just relaxing,will do your body good. Today I want to talk about gossiping and the gossip. Gossiping is an act of indiscipline and it should be discourage in your children right from toddlers. Let them know that what goes on in someone's life that doesn't have anything to do with them isn't their business. There was this woman I know who could tell you the amount of ponmo (cow hide,kanda, cow skin,whatever) that her neighbour has in her soup pot. She was so bad that she destroyed a lot of relationships and marriages,but the one that got to me was the one,she did to her uncle's daughters. I was around 16 at the time. This woman would stay at the balcony and maybe memorized the car numbers of vehicles coming to drop young ladies on the street. She would find out who the men were;if they were married men,she would go look for their wives to tell them,where they could find their husbands and if they weren't married, she would go look for their families so has to give them 1st hand information on this woman"gal" and possibly give the car details of the other cars that had dropped this gal or still dropping her apart from their son. I disliked her so much that I tried to avoid her. She was a terror,even in the white garment church she attended that all their wolis "(prophets) had to give her good prophecy just to get her off their backs. I didn't understand the gravity of what she was doing on the street till I turned 18. She had a job,they were comfortable in their own right but gossip was so part of her. I felt then,that if she didn't gossip she could die. She never got to me;until she went home to the guy I was friends with. We were just friends nothing more,he would come home to me and would gist with my siblings,we would watch video or cable network, because there was no Facebook,twittering or the sort at that time. Yes she went home to them. She gave them information about who my father was,my mum's pedigree and the scary thing was that she knew where my father had landed properties. I almost died! She was worst than the CIA and FBI combined. Folks on the street hated her,people would come to her home and fight,rave and curse. She didn't really care and her husband Pa Gbenga was helpless. She was so good in hiding her own secret,people wanted something on her,but she was so smart. Then heavens blew the chicken feathers and its backside was exposed. You see I now believe that gossiping has a very terrible demon attached to it,it doesn't seek to destroy the person being gossip about but the person doing the gossiping,otherwise known as the gossip. She was a huge woman and often times,she would beat up her poor husband,this is a true story.There was a day she was beating the man that my younger brother had to break down their bedroom door just to save him. The children came asking for help. I think it was time to save the street from this woman then heavens sent her an Ibo driver. They ran a transport company so they needed someone to drive one of the buses. This charming young young got the job and has we will later find out,he was also working on her in the bedroom. As the story goes,she stopped sleeping with her husband in the bedroom and this driver always come to drop the key or give account at night,she would make him pretend to stay and watch tv. Pa Gbenga will go into his room and she will smuggle him into her room. She didn't have time for gossiping now,but people were still on her,they wanted their pound of flesh. I never knew that a whole street could unite in the cause to get a gossip. News started filtering, why do we see this guy leaving this house by 4am? Then one day;a woman called her a shameless woman and that she was sleeping with her driver. She beat the woman blue black and everything kind of fizzled out. Until if was time was heaven. It was on a Saturday morning around 10am,when the whole street was shaken by a voice that seems to be preaching. He wasn't preaching though ,he was confessing and crying profusely. The voice belonged to the driver,I can't remember his name now its almost 23 years ago. He said" you wicked woman,you were luring me into sin,you made me betray a man that gave me a job,by sleeping with you. I am so sorry,everyone should hear and help me pray to God". The driver became born-again and he decided to restitute. He walked in that morning and demanded to see Pa Gbenga, he confessed all the atrocities he committed with his wife and asked for forgiveness. I can't remember the church he attended but he must have taken this passage literally " confess your faults to one another" because heOf decided to confess it to the whole street. People were almost jubilant has the show of shame went on. A quiet street,full of learned people was almost turned into a carnival street. Pa Gbenga told him, he forgave him,he packed his personal belongings into the car and drove away for the weekend. The street gossip became like a jelly after this. I don't know what happened because,we moved away from the street but legend has it, that Pa Gbenga remarried and moved into a bigger house and she begged to follow and was given the ground floor because of her children. Years after that I drove down to the street and my old friends told me that the street had peace and has been that way since the gossip in number 18,was disgraced from the street. Anytime I remember her and I talk to my mum about her;she would say things like a"Bola, even if she is she is a pastor now I can't still trust her o". Mummy was she that bad? I would often ask. My mum would look at me straight in the eyes with an expression of shock and then add " oh God! Bola she was terrible". Don't indulge a gossip,don't encourage them, don't feed them with information. They are leeches and they feed on other peoples secret. Are you a gossip? In the church,at work or on your street. Ask God to deliver you,you can't do it on your own. Call on Jesus,HE will see you thru. Have a great weekend and be blessed. Shalom, Sista Bola.

SWEET MARRIAGE,WHAT WE WEREN'T TOLD IN CHURCH.

BABES! MARRIAGE ISSUES! AM SMILING YET AM DYING! I have this few tips for my sisters that I have gathered along,used and taught others in this 16years of mine in this university called marriage.You are expected not to resit in this university but i tell you that failures are not just every semester but it might be on every test and exams you take in this union. As a female minister these tips has helped my friends,sisters and even older women.Please lets go on this journey as I share my few secrets with you.The most important foundation that u need is Christ any other foundation is the lagos lagoon! So if you are reading this piece and you are not yet born/again, take a moment and accept Christ into your heart.Drop holy candle,baba in ijebu,mama sutana in ilaje and simply ask for help from the Holy spirit. Now thats settled! Lets move on to the issue of the day. I will be showing scenerios,tips and lessons. Act 1 scene 1- My hubby isnt born-again.Dont nag,cry,beg,rave or go auto pilot.Pray always not with him sitting in front of you and you asking the Holy spirit to change him, or praying in the next room with shouts of how God should come into his heart.No,no,no! Simply try these.Baby am off to church,food is in the fridge,microwave etc.Is there anything you would want me to do for you before I go? Am taking the kids so that you can have more time to do your work,finish your writings or watch your favorite sport.*cue to you saying,i love you so much,but Christ loves you more.Always do this with a smile and with real affection.Honey am back!Service today was wonderful.Make sure you always tell him the part that helps you become a better person,not the one that talks about unbelievn husbands.Pst X really spoke to us wives today,honey I just pray that the Lord helps me to be a better person.Lesson- He will begin to beat himself up in the inside,he cant take it anymore,why is she so nice? Who is this Jesus? What do they really do to them in that church? He will begin to ask himself this questions.Wala! one sunday morning,Wunmi, I will go with you to church today,I have a question I want to ask Pst X. You should simply answer,yes love you are welcome.

Shalom, Sista Bola.

BE DIFFERENT!

Ma

Many times,I wonder why evil thrives! I wonder why its always easy to do the wrong thing. You are children of the kingdom of God,dare to be different, make your mark on the right path. You might not be noticed here on earth but in heaven you are celebrated and in hell you are feared. Keep doing the right thing,continue on the narrow path of God and you will be blessed. It pays to serve Jesus,no matter how hard. He loves you,so rejoice! Shalom, Sista Bola.

SPOUSES AREN'T SOLD IN SUPERMARKETS!

I

Its almost 2:30am and a lot of people are in bed,but I can't sleep.So I sneaked into the kitchen to warm some left-over rice and after eating. I feel a bit guilty,couldn't I have taken a fruit or a snack? Anyway the rice I ate was little,I promise.lol!:-) I have handled a bit of marital issues and in most cases the wife is the one I usually talk to. I have always advocated a no divorce policy but in the same time,I must be sure that the woman isn't in any harms way. Most women complain to me about verbal abuse,and by the grace of God by the time will finish the counselling sessions(most times thru private messages on Facebook,skype and in critical times thru telephone) the abuse would have reduced or totally stopped without any divorce being in place. I would have loved to share some of the tips here,but the men would read it and make it ineffective for the women in difficult situations in their marriages. If you are a wife and your marriage isn't working the way it should,like my page on Facebook "Ask Sista Bola" and then send me a private message. Ladies you don't want to miss lunch with Sista Bola,this year in Lagos and Abuja,and make sure you buy tickets for your hubby,fiance or brother to Sista Bola is having lunch with the men. Everything that I have taught women on my page,on the phone,in seminars, in churches are biblical principles,and as been tested and proven. The Lord has also taken thru some of the things in my own marriage and honestly I wouldn't trade my hubby and home for anything in the whole wide world. I have to speak to my sisters,who have the idea that marriage is like an Hollywood film,where everything is perfect,from the planning to the wedding day,and then happily ever after without any hitch. The problem with a fantasy wedding is that as soon as expectations aren't met,the marriage begins to crack. Don't expect that pressure won't mount on your husband,someone that has been taking care of himself alone,now he has another person to take care of,he is scared and atimes confused.So in the bid for you to see him as macho, he picks a quarrel just to cover his insecurity. Over the years,I have studied my hubby and this has helped me not just only to have a blissful marriage but also peace of mind. We have to stop having it at the back of our minds that we can replace our spouses as soon as they hurt us or make mistakes. When Hillary Clinton forgave her hubby after the Monica Lewensky saga,many people couldn't believe it,many thought she was stupid, a great deal of women said,she disgraced the women folk. Beloved,when it's all said and done,and you decide to divorce your wife or husband,you will be the one alone at night licking your wounds or crying into your pillow. People say a lot of things outside but do you know,what is really going on in their homes? Yes! If your spouse cheats on you,it can hurt,but why don't you forgive and move on? Why don't you give him or her a benefit of doubt,and also consider the children in the relationship? I don't know why divorce is a common thing in the body of Christ nowadays, and when you really sit people down and ask them why they left their spouse,the answer they give is that they weren't compatible. I tell you,no man or woman is too difficult to live with. Prayerfully begin to observe your spouse,change the way you do certain things,change the way you talk,let your body language be different. You will see a change! God is interested in marriages and He is concerned about yours. Don't rush to condemn your spouse,no one is useless or worthless. Speak life into and home and watch God do wonders. The husbands find it hard,to forgive their wives especially if they cheated on them,please do. Women have forgiven their husbands over and over again, concerning adultery,why can't the men do the same? Don't expect a perfect marriage,because people are from different backgrounds and different pasts. Learn to appreciate individual differences and learn to overlook a great deal and comment on a few. Don't listen to Hollywood definition of marriage,your answers are found in the bible. Jesus will see you thru no matter how hard.He loves you! Be greatly blessed.Now that I have shared with you,I am off to bed.Shalom, Sista Bola.

DON'T FIX ME JUST FIX MY MARRIAGE!

Enjoy this is something,I wrote in 2012 on another blog.
I have promised you babes to be as honest and as blunt as I can. I am asking the Holy spirit to help me as I share my experiences with you.Our marriage,our homes is not like a menu in a kid,s party.Take a moment and picture foods served to children at a birthday party,most of the time,its simple,colorful and sweet. The peppers are almost never added.
Is that not the kind of marriage we all want? The sweet,rock me,hug me,kiss me,carry me like a princess marriage. Are you still day dreaming!Snap out of it!
May our homes be fruitful and sweet in Christ name,but darlings dont based your marriage on the pages of the mills and boom novels.{ Some of us read that in secondary school,didnt we?}
We wives want our marriages fixed most of the time,but not ourselves.
Now let me give you a perfect scenerio. Naturally I was born heady, I will not give up on a probelm until I find the solution.Some attribute it to the Ekitish[ a group of people living in the south-west of Nigeria] blood flowing in me. Most of the time I never rest until all is well.Can any lady identify with that? All is well if my been heady is only towards probelms and not towards my hubby!
I am making sense now,am I not? I can hear some ladies saying, oh my God thats me! You are right,because that,s me too some years ago and once in a while,when I ignore the voice of reasoning.
You want your way, You might not be brute or rude about it,but You  want things to go your way all the time.Selfish! Afterall I am the weaker sex in this marriage.Why is the marriage not going the way I want? I pray,I fast you might ask.I am a child of God,I speak in tongues,I follow all I am been told.God fix my marriage! Take a glass of water and make sure you are sitted,cos what I want to tell you might make you dizzy!You are the intruder in your home, the one that has refuse to kill the little foxes! The one with the spirit of division.Change,you cant have it your way,let a sub-way sandwich.You can only have it God,s way.The man is the head,thats the way the Lord wants it.You can pray that he sees things your way but you cant force! If I am not still getting to you,just answer this question as I leave to have my breakfast"Who has the honey-stick,you or hubby?  Have a great evening;Shalom, Sista Bola.